her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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