I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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