ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to calm my uterus...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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