I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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