VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
