Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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