Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize