I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
