I got chris browned last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
