just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
