I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
