I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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