You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A bitchslap is in order.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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