somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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