i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
