Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
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