Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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