Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
