So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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