hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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