So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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