A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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