this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
