you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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