I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
