I think I won the penis lottery.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
