don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My balls are so social today.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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