actually, I'm a sock model
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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