her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
