foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
