I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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