So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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