He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
