How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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