Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize