Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
