My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
