woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
