Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
me + whiskey = a bad person
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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