I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize