fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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