she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
