It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
