Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
