it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
