I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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