I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
