the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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