Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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