Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
