you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
