Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
