Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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