I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
