i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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