just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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