ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
