I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We have started to decorate penises.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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