yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
