I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
