Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is wine microwaveable?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
