I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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