I wish I could teleport
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
