Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
