So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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