did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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