Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
