I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
