BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
