dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can't special order awesome
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
