Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
