apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
